i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
