The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
