Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize