New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
