My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
