forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
