I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
