Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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