Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
