do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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