we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize