No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
