whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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