another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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