If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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