Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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