The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
