I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
