It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
