Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
