Acid is not a monday night drug
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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