So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
