life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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