It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
