i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't deserve a penis
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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