I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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