Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize