i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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