Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
