I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
