I'll bet she douches with gravy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize