So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize