just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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