Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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