I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
