I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
