4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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