i was born a porn star she said
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
