Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
