im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
dude. I can hear the air.
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