i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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