dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
