mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
