Your tits are I can't wait for
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
