Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
