So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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