I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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