I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
