Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
