Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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