Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
