If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
