eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My liver just had a heart attack.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
