You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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