I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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