just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
