There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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