i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
