I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
