I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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