Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
