Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
