One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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