I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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