Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
