I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
