Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
