I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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