just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
