I have demons in me.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
