..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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