You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
