I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I've blown a few things in my day
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
